Saturday, December 09, 2006

Life is Beautiful... Yet again!

Today holds a lot of promise.
It started well... well, actually, last night ended well.

We went over to the "musical" house. And sang songs.
Guitar does have magic in it... and so does the guitarist.
It feels ecstatic to hear a tune being played flawlessly on it.
Without music there would be so much of emptiness.
We sang the old numbers and the not-so-old ones... we even sang 'patli kamar chikna badan' :-)
Truly satisfying...
Had 'group fun' after a long time... Love the girls...
(I still cant get over the fact that I have so many girl-friends).

Came back home. Danced under the yellow bulb, while looking at my reflection on the glass pane.
Dancing and singing give a joy that few other activities can give.
'Badi mushkil baba badi mushkil' was the number last night. Madhuri is inspiring.
And god bless Youtube!

Then had the talks. About comparing infinities, the robot problems.
When you are with someone whose knowledge base is a superset of your knowledge base, it can get overwhelming. First of all, there is no room for 'bluffing'. Secondly, you crave to know more (and silently are in awe). This is not necessarily good.
But history is repeating, as a good friend pointed out. Perhaps, I am getting over-swayed.
And as is my wont, once I have extracted all the juice from the fruit, and there is nothing more to gain, I shall cease to care for it. The challenge for the fruit is to continue producing enough juice to sustain my interest for long.

Anyway, got up at 12.15 pm. It was one of those sleeps in which one doesnt know whether one was actually asleep or not. But I was relaxed.
I got up and cooked. :-)
And all the while when the pulses were on the stow, others in the house were coughing and sneezing.
Not a good sign. I was somewhat embarrassed.

The food turned out to be fairly edible. And that was a welcome relief (and change).
Had one of those long conversations with Prerna. I love those conversations.

And then stepped out of the house in shorts (coz they are super-comfortable).
And I just stood there staring.
The weather was pleasant. The fall colors were teasing the trees. The golded hue was defiant in its outburst. The sky was blue... NO shades of other colours... no tinges either. Just a plain blue - reflecting a mood of surety. It did not need other colors to look beautiful.
And then there were the man-made houses. They seemed to blend in well. NO tall sky-scrapers out to challenge nature or symbolize man's achievement and power... Just small wooden houses, happy in themselves... Happy to be juxtaposed with beauty.
There was a strong breeze. Not strong enough to freeze, but strong enough to titillate the skin.

I stood there appreciating all this. Could not move. Wanted to find a vantage point and stare at this for long, without disturbing it.
Wanted to throw away my bag, and the back-of-the-mind anxieties about the projects due next week... Wanted to Run! Just run without a care in the world. And sing. And dance.
And laugh at it all.

It was a moment in which you fall in love with everything, and most importantly, yourself. And you forget all miseries and forgive all sinners. And there is only you in the world. You against "God".
Or you with God!
In that moment you feel just as powerful as Him. You, with your untapped potential and abundant opportunities to explore, have the power to do anything.
That one moment fills you with a joy so deep that and a thrill so strong that its orgasmic.

I felt a sense of belonging. Santa Barbara was beautiful all this while as well. But it was in that moment that I felt the sense of belonging to this paradise.
I biked down to college humming tunes. It seemed like a scene out of a movie.. or a novel whose story I wouldnt remember, but recollect the feeling.
I smiled at a passerby. He smiled back. I almost connected. I wanted to ask "isnt it a beautiful day?".
But I dont yet belong SO much here. May be a couple of more such moments will do the trick.

A new dream has been appended in the dream list. After a long time...

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Realization #1

Don't try to fit it.
Don't try to stand out.

Just be.

Cause for today's heartbreak :-

"Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice teller machine. XXX-XXX-XXXX is currently not available. To page this person, press 5 now. Beep"

Monday, December 04, 2006

Craving for Gyan

And again there's the age-old, well-known, curiously pestering choice to be made between:-
what I ought to do and what I want to do...
And again, I am in a dillema...

And again, there is light!
Escapism combined with fatalism works fine... at least most of the times.

Convenience is the key. Shouldn't it be?

I search for 'algorithm for particle rendering', 'algorithm for reliable broadcast', 'algorithm for Spring Motion simulation' on Google. I get a couple of thousand results.

I search for 'algortihm for living conflictlessly' - No results.