She walks out of her house, and suddenly a flash of images strike her. She knows that paying heed to those images can only bring in pain. She refrains. Successfully. And she is surprised by the success.
As someone had told her - "One lives and learns".
True. She finds it now truer than ever.
The wounds that once seemed impossible to heal and the memories that once seemed impossible to delete... and the flashes of images which were inevitable... and the random thoughts triggered by the all-powerful "if only..."s, all these seem to now become handleable.
Is that a good thing? Is 'getting over' something a good thing?
Perhaps not until there is something to look forward to, after 'getting over'. If there isn't, the memories form a convenient substitute of that which is not.
But probably pointless memories are... pointless, and reliving them in the silent hours is an anti-antidote.
She looks around.. and smiles. She suddenly has an eventful life again - new set of friends (un-complicated and funny), new bunch of roomies (very very interesting and super-fun).. almost a family. (She gets woken up and offered tea.. something that never happened even in Mumbai!). She has newer things to learn (too many perhaps).
She has laughed so much, and gone out too often for it to be true, and all of all that.
She is happy again. She still remembers. But now the pain translates to a momentary lapse of focus on her current life, and eventually it'll be a distant past to ponder over in times of retrospection, with fondness (hopefully). This, like many other things, is a stolen belief.
"Have the experience and miss the meaning"
She didn't let that happen... not this time at least :)
Monday, October 08, 2007
Thursday, September 27, 2007
the funny things
Humor is not so rare anymore. Laughed a lot today, thanks to Poker and the players (some of them too smart to outwit easily).
In other news, read this, and I had to post it.
Kalam’s words came true ………
Kalam: INDIA will become a Superpower in 2020
INDIA did it
Friday, September 21, 2007
A black eye isn't the end of the world...
thus spake Panda :)
Another post!! Right!! ... after 2 months of religious abstinance, I am all into 'penning my thoughts' (before they get replaced) mood and writing 3 posts in 2 days.
Guess what it is this time?
The weather!!!
Ha! It really is the weather. Its not a summer day anymore. Its raining. No, actually its drizzling. Since the time I have stepped here, I never got a chance to discern between a heavy drizzle and a light rain! Today I have it.. right at my doorsteps and right outside my window, I see the drops falling. It is not exactly Lonavla, but not too far from it either :)
I feel friendly and generous. THIS is when people should ask of me whatever they want, and they shall not return unsatisfied :)
Somewhere deep within me, there is a Jerome K Jerome (or so I badly wish!)
What was his line?
*After Google search*
Unsuccessful.
Hmmm.. lets insert a stand alone 'anyway' here ;-)
Another post!! Right!! ... after 2 months of religious abstinance, I am all into 'penning my thoughts' (before they get replaced) mood and writing 3 posts in 2 days.
Guess what it is this time?
The weather!!!
Ha! It really is the weather. Its not a summer day anymore. Its raining. No, actually its drizzling. Since the time I have stepped here, I never got a chance to discern between a heavy drizzle and a light rain! Today I have it.. right at my doorsteps and right outside my window, I see the drops falling. It is not exactly Lonavla, but not too far from it either :)
I feel friendly and generous. THIS is when people should ask of me whatever they want, and they shall not return unsatisfied :)
Somewhere deep within me, there is a Jerome K Jerome (or so I badly wish!)
What was his line?
*After Google search*
Unsuccessful.
Hmmm.. lets insert a stand alone 'anyway' here ;-)
Thursday, September 20, 2007
"Truth is a bully we all pretend to like"
She walked past the houses with gay abandance. It was a cold day for summer. But she was now more prepared to brave the cold. However, she chose a porch outside the bookstore, where the sun rays hit her directly. She liked the warmth.
She read through the pages that talked of her city. She looked up from the book. Her city! Was the sight she was seeing a part of her city, or was the city described in the book her city?
She didn't know. She thought, both were her cities. And like they say, "She was a part of all that she had met". She was a part of both the cities.
As always, the inevitable comparisons. A solid infrastructure where bikelanes were separately carved out. That versus a place where cars didn't have space on 2 lane roads because of the people occupying it, righteously.
There were a million things she thought. She doesn't like reading some books. They unnecessarily disturb her. She was happy thinking about the fact tht they liked her at work, and that she would spend a couple of years at that company - an experience tht would give her a lot of insight.
But somehow, all those plans seem to crumble cascadingly. All it took was a book and some vivid imagery of the author to make her yearn to 'do something'. But that's where it always stopped. She didn't know what to do! And THAT was partly the reason she wanted to stay back. At least she would be preoccupied learning some new technlogy and doing whatever Web 2.0 meant!
But then...
She read some lines in the book further. Something that said something to the effect of "sometimes, by attempting to improve something, we end up worsening it".
She knew exactly what she meant.
How??
Because she had read another book that had that same 'worsening' as its theme.
She gives up all these thoughts. And walks back home... with the same gay abandance. She sings a song.
She looks around at this city. The sky is light blue... there is greenery everywhere... if ther eis no place for a big tree, there are shrubs, and if there is no place for shrubs, there are small patches of grass. the streets are so clean that the beggar at Dadar station would find it a luxury to make them his home. The cars don't honk, the streetlights work with a deadly precision. The waitresses smile and ask her how her day was. Even the random guy on the street looks and smiles. Genuinely. She sees mountains. She sees her house - 815 Bath Street. Behind it are mountains, and the greenery. It is one of those houses whose postcards she had seen, and those which she had attempted drawing in her drawing classes (but she always drew bullock carts with beautiful houses).
It was one of those times when she had 'stood and stared'!
Stared at all the beauty... or all the 'beauty'.
Yet it was not romantic. It was the beauty of an actress who had taken such good care of herself that she got lost amidst other actresses who took similar meticulous care for their beauty. None stood out, all spotlessly and perfectly pretty.
Romance, for her, was in the train journeys at night, shared with the gajra lady whose children ran around in the train... in gay abandance... where the chhaka gang teamed up and laughed, in oblivion to the fleeting glances of other well-dressed ladies... where everyone was lost in their own world, and yet united by journey... where Gujarati ladies talked boisterously, where south indian ladies talked of their work and sarees, where the college going chics smsed with an alarming dexterity... where she saw the face of an angelic kid being carried around protectively by his elder sister.... why can't she forget that face? It always comes to her in the strangest of situations... that cherubic beauty...
THAT was romantic.
Perhaps that happens to all foreigners... to all those who leave their homes to find another... they are sometimes agonized... and then when they return, they miss their new homes.
Perhaps... she should not stand and stare for too long.
:)
She read through the pages that talked of her city. She looked up from the book. Her city! Was the sight she was seeing a part of her city, or was the city described in the book her city?
She didn't know. She thought, both were her cities. And like they say, "She was a part of all that she had met". She was a part of both the cities.
As always, the inevitable comparisons. A solid infrastructure where bikelanes were separately carved out. That versus a place where cars didn't have space on 2 lane roads because of the people occupying it, righteously.
There were a million things she thought. She doesn't like reading some books. They unnecessarily disturb her. She was happy thinking about the fact tht they liked her at work, and that she would spend a couple of years at that company - an experience tht would give her a lot of insight.
But somehow, all those plans seem to crumble cascadingly. All it took was a book and some vivid imagery of the author to make her yearn to 'do something'. But that's where it always stopped. She didn't know what to do! And THAT was partly the reason she wanted to stay back. At least she would be preoccupied learning some new technlogy and doing whatever Web 2.0 meant!
But then...
She read some lines in the book further. Something that said something to the effect of "sometimes, by attempting to improve something, we end up worsening it".
She knew exactly what she meant.
How??
Because she had read another book that had that same 'worsening' as its theme.
She gives up all these thoughts. And walks back home... with the same gay abandance. She sings a song.
She looks around at this city. The sky is light blue... there is greenery everywhere... if ther eis no place for a big tree, there are shrubs, and if there is no place for shrubs, there are small patches of grass. the streets are so clean that the beggar at Dadar station would find it a luxury to make them his home. The cars don't honk, the streetlights work with a deadly precision. The waitresses smile and ask her how her day was. Even the random guy on the street looks and smiles. Genuinely. She sees mountains. She sees her house - 815 Bath Street. Behind it are mountains, and the greenery. It is one of those houses whose postcards she had seen, and those which she had attempted drawing in her drawing classes (but she always drew bullock carts with beautiful houses).
It was one of those times when she had 'stood and stared'!
Stared at all the beauty... or all the 'beauty'.
Yet it was not romantic. It was the beauty of an actress who had taken such good care of herself that she got lost amidst other actresses who took similar meticulous care for their beauty. None stood out, all spotlessly and perfectly pretty.
Romance, for her, was in the train journeys at night, shared with the gajra lady whose children ran around in the train... in gay abandance... where the chhaka gang teamed up and laughed, in oblivion to the fleeting glances of other well-dressed ladies... where everyone was lost in their own world, and yet united by journey... where Gujarati ladies talked boisterously, where south indian ladies talked of their work and sarees, where the college going chics smsed with an alarming dexterity... where she saw the face of an angelic kid being carried around protectively by his elder sister.... why can't she forget that face? It always comes to her in the strangest of situations... that cherubic beauty...
THAT was romantic.
Perhaps that happens to all foreigners... to all those who leave their homes to find another... they are sometimes agonized... and then when they return, they miss their new homes.
Perhaps... she should not stand and stare for too long.
:)
Friday, August 31, 2007
jlt
Dancing after 3 drinks is much more fun than dancing after 2 drinks, which is much more fun than dancig after 1 drink, which is... you know what!
I can feel the 'spirits' rise again.
If only it were Indian music... and all those things that can.should be generously added after an 'if only..'
Writing anything on the blog means defending it when all those myriad people who don't understand comment on it verbally. Dam them... except that I don't :)
Anyway, laughters and carefreeness is a lethal combination. It can take you places, and make you feel on top of the world :)
I can feel the 'spirits' rise again.
If only it were Indian music... and all those things that can.should be generously added after an 'if only..'
Writing anything on the blog means defending it when all those myriad people who don't understand comment on it verbally. Dam them... except that I don't :)
Anyway, laughters and carefreeness is a lethal combination. It can take you places, and make you feel on top of the world :)
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
svn ci -m "gs - current update" :)
As I sit in my room thinking about the potential things to write about, I feel dazed. Too much happening, and too little record. But must everything be recorded? Sometimes I struggle to hold on to memories by way of videos and photos and write-ups. Sometimes they are permanently etched. But most of the times it is some random event that triggers a random memory.
Life has become rather involved with work 'and such' :)
The usual buzz words that linger around me everyday are Continuous Integration (CI), rake, Selenium, Test-driven development, fixtures, broken build, agile and what not. I feel superior just because I know of the existence of these words. When the tests are running, we digg! Lunches are spent discussing JSunit. And jokes are on the advantages of IntelliJ over Textmate.
Supper is a burrito bol from Chipotle. I can't get over my love for it. However, sometimes, when I am in mood to induce jealousy, I look towards the Natural Cafe :)
My tummy shows signs of a pampered organ. It is bulging and beeming with pride. When pictures are taken, I have to suck it in though :)
I am also following news these days. (yes, I know that a mistake on orkut caused a death in India.. I also know that some astronomers are not super-impressed by google sky).
The new favorite quote is:-
I am kinda paranoic in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy :)
The new favorite Song:-
Alvida and such from Life in a Metro
New fav serial:-
24.
It's too good to be true. Totally engaging.
new favorite app:-
Posterino (image editing et al for Mac)... finally!!!!!
New favorite phrase:-
'My point being'
Seems like I need to use it too much. Not a good thing, probably
Same-old fav website:-
eastoftheweb.com
New favorite friend:-
well, deep touches deep :)
Life has become rather involved with work 'and such' :)
The usual buzz words that linger around me everyday are Continuous Integration (CI), rake, Selenium, Test-driven development, fixtures, broken build, agile and what not. I feel superior just because I know of the existence of these words. When the tests are running, we digg! Lunches are spent discussing JSunit. And jokes are on the advantages of IntelliJ over Textmate.
Supper is a burrito bol from Chipotle. I can't get over my love for it. However, sometimes, when I am in mood to induce jealousy, I look towards the Natural Cafe :)
My tummy shows signs of a pampered organ. It is bulging and beeming with pride. When pictures are taken, I have to suck it in though :)
I am also following news these days. (yes, I know that a mistake on orkut caused a death in India.. I also know that some astronomers are not super-impressed by google sky).
The new favorite quote is:-
I am kinda paranoic in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy :)
The new favorite Song:-
Alvida and such from Life in a Metro
New fav serial:-
24.
It's too good to be true. Totally engaging.
new favorite app:-
Posterino (image editing et al for Mac)... finally!!!!!
New favorite phrase:-
'My point being'
Seems like I need to use it too much. Not a good thing, probably
Same-old fav website:-
eastoftheweb.com
New favorite friend:-
well, deep touches deep :)
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