Life is Beautiful... Yet again!

Today holds a lot of promise.
It started well... well, actually, last night ended well.

We went over to the "musical" house. And sang songs.
Guitar does have magic in it... and so does the guitarist.
It feels ecstatic to hear a tune being played flawlessly on it.
Without music there would be so much of emptiness.
We sang the old numbers and the not-so-old ones... we even sang 'patli kamar chikna badan' :-)
Truly satisfying...
Had 'group fun' after a long time... Love the girls...
(I still cant get over the fact that I have so many girl-friends).

Came back home. Danced under the yellow bulb, while looking at my reflection on the glass pane.
Dancing and singing give a joy that few other activities can give.
'Badi mushkil baba badi mushkil' was the number last night. Madhuri is inspiring.
And god bless Youtube!

Then had the talks. About comparing infinities, the robot problems.
When you are with someone whose knowledge base is a superset of your knowledge base, it can get overwhelming. First of all, there is no room for 'bluffing'. Secondly, you crave to know more (and silently are in awe). This is not necessarily good.
But history is repeating, as a good friend pointed out. Perhaps, I am getting over-swayed.
And as is my wont, once I have extracted all the juice from the fruit, and there is nothing more to gain, I shall cease to care for it. The challenge for the fruit is to continue producing enough juice to sustain my interest for long.

Anyway, got up at 12.15 pm. It was one of those sleeps in which one doesnt know whether one was actually asleep or not. But I was relaxed.
I got up and cooked. :-)
And all the while when the pulses were on the stow, others in the house were coughing and sneezing.
Not a good sign. I was somewhat embarrassed.

The food turned out to be fairly edible. And that was a welcome relief (and change).
Had one of those long conversations with Prerna. I love those conversations.

And then stepped out of the house in shorts (coz they are super-comfortable).
And I just stood there staring.
The weather was pleasant. The fall colors were teasing the trees. The golded hue was defiant in its outburst. The sky was blue... NO shades of other colours... no tinges either. Just a plain blue - reflecting a mood of surety. It did not need other colors to look beautiful.
And then there were the man-made houses. They seemed to blend in well. NO tall sky-scrapers out to challenge nature or symbolize man's achievement and power... Just small wooden houses, happy in themselves... Happy to be juxtaposed with beauty.
There was a strong breeze. Not strong enough to freeze, but strong enough to titillate the skin.

I stood there appreciating all this. Could not move. Wanted to find a vantage point and stare at this for long, without disturbing it.
Wanted to throw away my bag, and the back-of-the-mind anxieties about the projects due next week... Wanted to Run! Just run without a care in the world. And sing. And dance.
And laugh at it all.

It was a moment in which you fall in love with everything, and most importantly, yourself. And you forget all miseries and forgive all sinners. And there is only you in the world. You against "God".
Or you with God!
In that moment you feel just as powerful as Him. You, with your untapped potential and abundant opportunities to explore, have the power to do anything.
That one moment fills you with a joy so deep that and a thrill so strong that its orgasmic.

I felt a sense of belonging. Santa Barbara was beautiful all this while as well. But it was in that moment that I felt the sense of belonging to this paradise.
I biked down to college humming tunes. It seemed like a scene out of a movie.. or a novel whose story I wouldnt remember, but recollect the feeling.
I smiled at a passerby. He smiled back. I almost connected. I wanted to ask "isnt it a beautiful day?".
But I dont yet belong SO much here. May be a couple of more such moments will do the trick.

A new dream has been appended in the dream list. After a long time...
:-)

Realization #1

Don't try to fit it.
Don't try to stand out.

Just be.

Cause for today's heartbreak :-

"Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice teller machine. XXX-XXX-XXXX is currently not available. To page this person, press 5 now. Beep"

Craving for Gyan

And again there's the age-old, well-known, curiously pestering choice to be made between:-
what I ought to do and what I want to do...
And again, I am in a dillema...

And again, there is light!
Escapism combined with fatalism works fine... at least most of the times.

Convenience is the key. Shouldn't it be?

I search for 'algorithm for particle rendering', 'algorithm for reliable broadcast', 'algorithm for Spring Motion simulation' on Google. I get a couple of thousand results.

I search for 'algortihm for living conflictlessly' - No results.

Writing Under Influence

An interesting trip to Vegas,
A touching reunion with Kai,
A touching letter from an old friend,
A day spent thinking of 'the news',
Some conversations that helped,
Some that did not,
Some moments of ecstacy,
Others of trying to curb the ecstacy,
Some opinions on life and 'cults',
A few shared laughs,
Some futile attempts at understanding the FLP impossibility and more,
A recapture of life in TSEC,
Some thoughts of sitting on stairs and sharing notes,
And getting the last miute doubts solved by Neeti and Mohit and Akshay and all,
A disastrous performance in a quiz,
Reliving those moments AGAIN,
Listening to Piyu Bole,
Being under constant hypnosis of those thoughts (is it really over?)
Scanning thru old emails,

Smiling after seeing someone,
Getting helped in connecting to server,

Smiling again,
Reliving again!

Then and Now...

Things are getting exciting...
I have moved ahead from (struggling to understand the syntax) to (coding)...
In more than one ways...
YAY!! :-)

I am learning new things... at least getting aware of them!

Last night I went to Goleta Beach Wharf. It was beautiful. I couldnt see the sea, I could only feel it... the sound of the waves and the sea-birds.
The wharf was lit... like a lighted passage that goes on and on... And in the end, there is a breath-taking view... But its pitch dark, so there's no real view. Its just a breath-taking feeling...
I danced...
glee!!!
And the lights were like yellow spotlights.
It reminded me of Madhuri dancing in Dil to Pagal Hai...

After that I had a heart-to-heart talk... with THE listener... :-)
And then... well, public blogs come with their own downsides!!! :-(

Well, apart from all this abstract beauty, there was real beauty... Where??
In COSTCO!
:-)
Oh! How much I love the store... Grocery shopping gives me a high, and with high-fi stores like COSTCO, the high is higher!! I bought a packet (48) of Power Bars... and crate of Tropicana juice... and soft French Bread (anything french is yummy ;-).. And Vanilla Yogurt...
Now I am a satisfied being!

There is much more happening... Emotional highgrounds and lowgrounds...

Life in Mumbai:-
1. Get woken up by Ma.

2. Fight for the bathroom with brothers.

3. Get reminded by ma - "did you take mobile phone, wallet?". Say goodmornin to Bhai, Mummyjy (grandparents).

4. Run as fast as you can to hail a rik... Curse the mornign traffic... Dont take change of Re.1 from rik driver bcoz of lack of time... Curse again... See the train arriving on the station... Run like a madwoman... Just to see it leave...

5. Curse again... with another bunch of similar fated train-missers!

6. Take the next train, and see your batch mate... heave a sigh of relief (both of u will be late... blame gets divided... you wont get embarrassed ALONE!). Suddenly get the feeling of 'birds chirping' and 'trees singing' and 'rainbows in the sky' and all that jazz... coz you have a partner-in-crime for being late... And you both silently know that the excuse shall be 'Trains were late today'... (Oh how much I miss those days!!)

7. Go to college... In all likelyhood, Murphy will be right.. Teacher will be more late... And she'll be in the NEXT train!! haha!

8. Attend lectures and play word builder with friends. Simultaneously, of course. In the rare case of doubts about what is being taught, pay attention. Most likely, someone else has similar doubts. If not, ask neighbour... and get a weird look from him.... that's why sit next to Mohit :-)

9. Eat at Jay's or Mani's with the 'group'.

10. Do practicals.. (actually NEVER DO anything.. just fool around and appear busy when the teacher is looking!)

11. Get back home in the train... with Mohit! Discuss Akshay's jokes, and re-laugh.

12. Spend time with family, and on phone...

ONLY COMPLAINT: No privacy... No Solitude.

Life in America:-
1. Get woken up by alarm!

2. No fight for bathroom... Every1 has probably gotten up already.

3. Say good morning... to yourself... Have breakfast (agree that it is delicious honey-oats cereal instead of poha) with yourself...

4. Pack your bag yourself. Get reminded "Did I take the mobile, wallet, Debit card!," and the worst... "house keys"??

5. Run as fast as you can... downstairs... Bike to college... alone.

6. Attend lecutres... Pay attention... attempt paying attention... have doubts... note them down and ask the TA later... by email!

7. Eat at the salad bar. Alone.

8. go to the lab... Do 'practicals'... Do them! No teacher is looking, and there are no practical timings and there is no need to go to lab. Yet go to lab. Get worried. Alone.

9. Bike back... in a cold chilly night.

10. Come back... 'cook' food... eat it...

ONLY COMPLAINT: too much solitude!

I am liking it... Ita not so bad... Human beings are adaptive creatures... its a matter of time... I shud stop looking at things from this perspective. I shud stop the implicit self-pity.

The key is 'confidence' and 'hope'.

And some more night-sessions, probably ;-)

Miscellenious (or however it is spelled)

You say you live in a dream world...
I'll say that its alright.
You'll say that you get hurt everytime it shatters.
I'll say you know it was a dream world.
You'll say you dont want to call because everytime I say 'something happened' it crushes you.
I'll say I cant wait to be friends again.

And then I realize, we have no choice. Its the case of 'love me, hate me, but cant ignore me'.
I end up fighting the impulse.
I get up in the morning, and sing 'piyu bole'...

The connexon is not virtual anymore... its hard-wired.

I end the endless playing of conversations in my head. I say 'chuck it yaar!'

I have work to do. 'Work' to do!
I attend lectures.

Psychology is super-fun (for the lack of a better word).
I havent paid more attention to any other talks so mcuh...

Graphics is fun to DO... not to attend class. But the professor is interesting... the TA is more interesting... the programs are gratifying (I made a water surface with rain drops and refraction and reflection and other fancy stuff).

I still have no clue what Ruby on Rails is. But thats not a bad thing. The bad thing is that I have no inclination to know it! Just want to get done with it....

Amr's course is interesting. He makes me think. And he convinces me of something. And then asks me why it cant be the other way round. And I am lost! But I am liking it.

I went on a trek. One helluva experience. Was tiring. Went with Brinjar and his international friends. People here are FIT! And I thot it wud be easy... I huffed and puffed and fatigued out... And then someone said that we were almost 1/3rd the way! I gave up.... But finally completed it :-)

We have a 3rd TV at home. Its bigger than the other 2. So we have 3 TVs - big, bigger and biggest.
And 2 microwaves. And a printer. And a fancy 'water-purifier' that makes gurgling noises in the middle of the night. And I get confused coz my stomach makes similar noises. Somehow, the silence here is so loud that you can hear the intricate workings of your stomach. It almost gets embarrassing.

Kai called. I felt so nice talking to him. He is awesome! I saw his orkut pics. He's the authentic 'cool dude'.

And now I stare at the mobile... waiting for it to ring... waiting for the call... waiting... to no avail, perhaps!


I wish I felt like this!