Do's and Dons

Things I am supposed to be doing:-
1. Calculating the defaulters list
2. Checking the million periodic-test papers.
3. Studying for tomorrow's lecture to avoid any 'run-time' error

Things I am NOT supposed to be doing:-
1. Browsing thru random pages
2. Going to the kitchen every 10 minutes to check if the supply of snack has increased or gotten more interesting
3. Listening to very enthralling Hindi tracks and dancing like a foolish clown to their tunes
4. Going out to drink... and getting buzzed.
5. Reading Agony-aunt columns in each newspaper

But but but... such is human nature.
We just don't stick to our decisions, do we?

Why, Oh, Why do we enjoy the feeling of 'having so much to do' more than the satisfaction of 'getting it done'! I think a bigger to-do list gives a greater comfort than a greater just-did list.

** typed while listening to the Pardesi track from DevD and munching on little fatty bundles of joy and with a hundred tabs open on Firefox. Now I just need my beer **

Obsessive Compulsive Order

----- Beginning of Excerpt----

I find your memories in the recesses of my mind,
and in the portrayals of shady Hindi songs played in the rikshaw.

I hear your ideas and smirks in random conversations,
and a creepy tingling sensation passes through my spine.

I travel, sneeze, slurp, exercise, and smile with you,
And I believe you like it that way.

I share the bed with you every night,
whether you respond to me or not.

The problem (or the lack of it) is that there is no you.
There is only me.

And you are my creation.
Yet you are uncontrollably out of control... like a experiment gone horribly wrong... the typical sci-fi one where the creators are hounded by their creation.

I can't hold on to you because you make me dangerously obsessive.
And that is precisely the reason why I can't let go of you.
I am afraid I will miss you... and lose my few shreds of sanity

--------End of Excerpt---

The need for a sanction

We are raised in a social structure that have rules and guidelines - explicitly or implicitly laid down. We are taught, and we learn by experience, that generally, living within the framework of these rules and guidelines results in us winning the social game. Of course, there are those who venture beyond this framework, and hence are often viewed differently (awed, booed, outcasted, envied etc).

But most of us find it difficult to challenge this established rulebook. We might not agree with all the social norms, but violating them in an exaggerated fashion not for the reason to prove that you can, but because you actually want to, is unusual.

It is in fact, difficult to even think of violating most of the laws. For instance, a child brought up in a strictly disciplined environment where the 'right conduct' is highly rewarded and slightest deviation from it is stringently punished, might never evolve the need to, say eve-tease a passing girl. It just would not occur to him. It is 'wrong' in his eyes. Even if a desirable girl passes by, the idea of teasing her would not cross his mind, perhaps because such a behavior has been looked down upon.
However, eve-teasing occurs rampantly and that is testimony to the fact that there are people whose social structures do not consider this act that big an offense.

An interesting collision of thoughts occur when you disagree with a social rule. You see nothing wrong in certain activities that are considered 'taboo' by your social structure. You are convinced of their rightness. Not only that, you feel the need to indulge in them. So, there is an activity that is given a clean chit by the court in your mind, and is desired by the I-really-want-to-do-this section of your mind. However, it still requires great courage, conviction, confidence to actually indulge in it. This is probably because your brain gives conflicting signals. It wants to indulge, but it also knows that the person indulging in it is generally penalized by the society. In fact, even when you don't care about the penalty at all, you still hesitate.

It is strange - the mind.

just another ramble

It was that moment again. A moment when things fall into such perfectly-fitting place that you know you could not be wrong about the feeling that things are falling into place.

When you don't have something, you cling on to a pseudo source of that. Fat girls try to fit into the thin girls groups, so that they feel accepted. The unknown try to sift around in the circles of the popular, hoping to rise in the popularity charts.

It is the courage to leave that pseudo-source of pseudo-security that's rare to find.

It is that that I am looking for... a way to disentangle myself from the web of seemingly justifying excuses, a way to unshackle myself from the bonds of convenience that fetter me to the terra firma of the fake security. I know that this task is not just of extreme importance, but just as urgent. It's just that the sense of urgency does not bother one until a perceivable danger is in sight.

There was a time when I was convinced beyond doubt that there was absolutely nothing that could not be accomplished if one put one's entire strength in it. I KNEW that if I pushed hard enough, the wall would certainly break. But gradually, 'life' convinces one of one's shortcomings and fogs the clear picture of self-infallibility. That's perhaps good to a certain extent. But somehow, there is a fine line between what is perceived to be possible, and what actually is possible. I think the trick to attain the 'impossible' is to not let the mind know that it is impossible. In fact, the mind should be tricked into believing that it is very much possible. And then the mind does everything in its might to attain it, and hence, there is a greater chance of attaining the goal.

Anyway, on an unrelated thought, I wonder what it is that music does to us. It certainly does very good things. It's one of the few things that has no known side effect even if one gets crazily addicted to it. It's just a pure dose of super-high endorphin release in the brain. Or something else. It increases the emoting capability. Me likes it :-)

On another very unrelated thought/incident, I still retain the capacity to blush. And how! I had to leave the area which had the object which caused me to blush, coz I could not contain my excitement. Now that's something to be proud of, on hindsight :-)

Movie Reviews:-

Slumdog Millionaire: Well... it was definitely not a movie to remember, or a movie that kept you thinking all night long. It was 'harsh realities' all right! And it had its typical 'from rags-to-riches' fantastic storyline that brings hope to many who don't find elsewhere. It also had some macabre scenes that emphasize on its 'realistic' appeal. The acting was alright, the actor did not need versatility... and well, what we thought as the protagonist's story was actually charted out by 3 actors - the child, the adolescent and then the fully-grown fellow sitting on the KBC set. So if you are impressed by the guy's life-story, it was perhaps the child or the adolescent who impressed you more, and your mind naturally gives the credit to the protagonist who invariably is the fully-grown fella! Aah!

The songs are haunting, one must admit. One can never say what Rehman's best is/was. But this was goooood.

Somehow Ghajini struck a stronger cord. For all one knows, it simply might be Aamir's larger-than-life screen persona. But the freshness exuberated by the newcome Asin was fun to watch. It was a pure black and white movie after a long time... the villain didn't have shades of grey, he was an obvious villain who (the audience as conviced) deserved to rot in hell. And Aamir (Oh! we couldn't stop sympathizing with him) deserved to find happiness once again.


Kya chal raha hai mamu?
Current routine encompasses a high-maintenance, highly demanding college life... and the fulfilling and exhausting gym routine. College has turned out to be a little more challenging... the FE students are a potpourri of the highly sincere teach-us-more kids and cant-wait-to-get-outa-here kids, and everything in between. Hum kare to bhi kyaa kare! The other students are manageable... and lot of fun to interact with. I still get my goosebumps just before the lectures, especially SE... the subject is difficult in that it isn't easy to excite them with the math behind analysis of algorithms. Annnnnyway... they are an excited bunch nonetheless.

Gymming is fun. The real good part about it is that the walls are mirrors. So somehow, when you think it is tough to reach the target i.e. run for the required amount of time/lift the desired weights, you can look at yourself in the mirror and smile and motivate yourself and achieve the targets. It fulfills you with a sense of achievement. And of course, the mirrors help in admiring the ultra-fit bodies of those guys who do crazy number of pull-ups. (Ah! Stay still you aching heart (and muscles), you shall manage to pull yourself up one day!)

Current Complaints:-
What the hell is the matter with all the self-claimed saviors of 'bhaartiya sanskruti' in this country? Why are pubs and other youth haunts being targetted? And why in the name of God, are chicks who want to shake a leg, given such a hard time? It is pathetic to see some losers spoil the fun for those who are enjoying life. The sign of a good governance - the protective body for the civilians, is that such unlawful shameful activities by the so-called activists should be heavily penalized. It's almost getting down to gunda-raj! And talking about the MNS is almost below dignity for a self-respecting person. So, I wont.

Phew! I think I need more muscle... and nerve as well.

Remarkable

The title is a word that boils down to "something worth remarking over"... yet the actual impact of the word when used appropriately seems much more impressive than just something you would remark on.

And that's exactly why THAT is the word that came to mind this morning to me. I don't know how many times I have written about it, and how many more times I have thought of it... and yet the sheer dynamics of the Mumbai Local Trains do not cease to marvel me. It seems to just rightly capture the essence of almost all the physical laws (sometimes even at sub-atomic levels) and psychological conundrums that I know. But more than suggesting a metaphor to these sciences, it is the triumph of the "adjustibility" of the human mind that sweeps me off... even after being a seasoned traveler of 6 years now.

Today when I reached the platform I could immediately imagine the chaos that would reign once the train parked. And when the already-overloaded train came, I tell you, no one can imagine all those people to possibly fit in. It just seemed so implausible. But I knew better. Armed with experience and knowledge that no matter how full the jar is, you can almost always fit in "some more", I entered with the human gush. I was almost tempted to draft a free-body diagram of myself - there were way too many forces acting on me, and my body simply reacted to the resultant force. And somehow, the train lurched ahead with renewed vigor. And then stations came, and more chaos reigned, and still more and still more... and at one important junction I heard a scary bang of noises caused by stamping of feet. For the first time I got really scared coz for the first time I visually saw a highly exaggerated version of those forces. I saw women bend about and move in such a strange fashion and being hit randomly at random places and some section of the train being vacated and then being instantly filled with people, just like water reshapes itself in case of void in a container... all this coupled with that loud banging noise. A low shriek escaped my mouth.

I guess I hadn't Indianized enough yet. Or perhaps I will always be mesmerized by these things. But what truly was the icing was a woman, amidst all this, told her train-companion "I have been standing on just one foot for half an hour now." and then continued her conversation... and that conversation was so normal, so away from all the noise and crowd, almost equivalent to a conversation I would have with a friend over choco-vloc in Cafe Coffee Day.

How much can people get immunized?

One school of thought professes that the fact that we readily accept bullsh*^ without complaining is the reason we are given bullsh*&. We need to stop accepting such (inhuman?) conditions of travel (work, whatever else that we accept) if we want to bring about a change.

But somehow I don't buy that. I'd like to think that if we make the most of what we are and what we are given, and don't expect things to improve or hope to live in the make-believe world of a better lifestyle, we are much better off and perhaps much happier for it.
And somehow that belief was concretized when one day I saw an urchin girl at the Bandra signal smile jubilantly when I bought her roses. THAT'S ALL SHE WANTED! And that's a great thing. Instead of pitying her, I started envying her. It was so simple for her to feel a sense of achievement and happiness. And that's not because she has low standard of aims. That's probably one of the highest things she can aim of given her 'world' ie her social system. She knows not of the powers of the information revolution or of the gastronomic delights of the choco-vloc of CCD.

What all of us want is to socially or monetarily or in whatever way, reach the top in our 'world'. The vaster your world, and greater the number of people that reside in it, greater is the competition... and hence lesser the chance that you would reach the 'top'.

The idea is live in a small cocoon and live to die a happy man! ;-)

Happy New Year

I have noticed it to be common for people to get more excited about planning for an event than during that event. And this holds especially true for occasions that are touted as ideal days for unchecked revelry and crazy bashes.

New Year's Eve has invariably been less exciting than I expect it to be for almost all the 24 years of my life, save the eves which I spent with myself at home (they were deeply fulfilling).

But this year was different. The location, the atmosphere, the people, the weather, my friends... the vibes.

There is something to be said about an age when you truly understand your friends. You may not approve of their ways or in fact, even dissent them. But you are at peace with them. They do not bother you. And you don't bother to prove to them that you are cool. They know that... or it does not matter anyway.

You don't have to hold the glass in a particular way, or have your hair done. You don't have to care about overdressing or get embarrassed about those 'funny' jokes that got no one to laugh.
And most of all, you don't care about how you dance. You twirl and toss and walk around zig zag... you got no new moves... you do ghaati dance on English numbers and couple dance on bhangras... you do whatever the hell you want... and see that sense of liberty in the eyes of your friends as well..

Ah! The joy that comes with liberated dancing... the right Bollywood tracks - that perfect concoction of lyrics and gyrating music... and the perfect concoction of a Screwdriver... and the perfect blend of people around you.

Four hours of non-stop revelry gets you in shape for the New Year... you embrace it with the love and acceptance you generally don't allow yourself to feel :-)